Envy

It's almost 12 am and I'm still wide awake, banging my head over B.I and Bobby - s' rapping in the latest iKON song, Apology.

Oh and I just saw this quote on their music video,

( I finally can watch the music video, thanks to my super IT savvy little brother, love ya ♥ )

"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven"

Okay well my point of this entry is not to babble much about my current obsession towards this song or what. (oh but you should listen to this song, OK ) Today I feel like writing something which I wish I could throw it far away from my life. Tehee.

Envy, jealousy, insecurities. We all can't help but to feel all sort of these sometimes, isn't it? It's like a disease of the heart. Well, I also have the tendency to compare myself to others, which is the thing I really hate the most and I wish I can stop comparing and start accepting myself. I can't tell you how many times I've unconsciously found myself saying "Ahh, I wish I had that" or "Why can't I have a body like that" or "Why can't I be as genius as she is" and etc etc when I'm scrolling down my Instagram or just simply walking somewhere in a mall or even when I was having a conversation with my friend. It's disgusting, yes, really. Because somehow, it just comes to show how much of an ungrateful person I really am.

So I'm typing this to serve as a reminder for me and to those who read this, that everyone has their own series of ups and downs and we only show what we want to the world. Well, nobody would like to show how much struggles they went through or how difficult their life is. I should remind myself whenever I said "Ahhh, how I wish....", my journey of life is a part of a test from God. We think tests from Allah S.W.T is in the form of hardship (where usually, we tend to go back to Him once we faced it) but it is a no-no. Wealth is also a test. Health is also a test. How we look is also a test. Personality is also a test. It all depends on what we do with all of that. All the experiences that we went through are what shapes us into the person we are today. Frankly speaking, I may be an entirely different person if I didn't went through some not-so-good events in my life.

I'm in the process to start working on being more grateful for everything I have rather than wasting my energy thinking about what I don't. I've heard this so many times but I always seem to forget it ; half of our iman (faith) is sabr (patience) and the other half is shukr (gratefulness). I want to accept myself and to learn how to love myself to the fullest before others. I want to be beautiful by doing what I love to do (something I learnt by watching She Was Pretty, thanks to Kim Hye Jin). I want to learn from all the mistakes I did before to create a better future.
From this point onward, I promise myself to always be grateful for everything and to stop comparing myself to others. I promise to put my blessings into good use that will not only benefit me, but others as well. InsyaAllah. 
xx